Setting the Stage
I immediately began regretting travelling to Edmonton two days early for the Canadian National Championships and Rio Trials the second I landed.
The stories started flying around in my head.
“I have so much to do back home”
“I’m letting my work teams down”
“I’m letting my wife and little girl down”
“I’m being selfish”
After several long minutes of remorse I tried to brush the feelings aside and re-focus on the game plan. Find my place, get settled, get to the track to train. Leaving the airport I slowly transitioned from one bus to another eventually making it to my AirBnB and then to the track around 730PM.
Expecting the scene to be buzzing with throwers getting ready for the event, my heart sunk a little further upon reaching the track. Despite it being the designated “open throws” time – not a single other competitor was there.
“Am I this much of a track kook” I thought to myself.
Brushing my sheepishness to the side, I warmed up and went through my training session, alone, and in the midst of rain and thunder storms.
I then made the long, multiple bus pilgrimage from the track to a grocery store and then back to my place.
Visualization rituals
Before heading to bed that night, as I’d done for the past several nights, I plugged in my headphones and went through the guided visualization my aunt Barb, a high performance sports hypnotherapist, recorded to help me prepare for these Games.
Heading to bed I thanked God, the Universe, the greater life-force for this small step on the journey – regardless of how kooky a competitor I was.
Thursday would bring another long day of prep…
Visualization, a remote work session, groceries, visualization, I headed to my second ‘open throws’ practice and yet again was the only senior discus competitor there. I started to think I was crazy for being there.
“Are all of these guys so good they don’t even need to show up a day early?” I thought.
Gameday
I woke up on Friday feeling charged and ready to go. I took the mid thunder rainstorm in stride, my coach Garrett and my inner voice affirming I had spent 4 months throwing in the rain and wind – this was no big deal… Gulp.
This attitude all changed however the second I stepped into the marshalling tent an hour before the event. To my surprise, this was the very first time I saw any of the other competitors I would be facing off against.
They were monsters.
Strong, big, bold, exuding confidence and poise.
I immediately felt like an ant (yes all 6’6 250 lbs of me). I felt way out of my league. An impostor with a big red flag shouting it out. I quickly found a corner and scurried over with what felt like my imaginary tail tucked between my legs.
It was at that point that a little gremlin in my head conveniently pointed that I was the only one who was already wearing my throwing shoes of the whole group. Having gone through my regular warm up including technical drills and never having been to a ‘big boys competition’ this was all I knew.
“Tyrell, you are such a kook – take your shoes off so it’s not so embarrassing”.
All of the guys chatted amongst each other, clearly having built a friendly competitive relationship with each other over the course of the past few years. I was on the outside looking in on the discus old boys club. I awkwardly tried to smile and make eye contact with a couple of the guys as they made jokes – a voice jabbing in the back of my head
“you can’t be serious Tyrell, are you at a high school dance?”
As we made our way from marshalling to the warm up cage I tried to refocus my mind. Reminding myself I am essentially here for participation, to do my best, I have nothing to lose and nothing to prove. It was at that time that I realized I was also positioned as the 4th athlete to throw, meaning in a field of 10 I was coming in with a qualifying throw near the bottom of the pack.
Oomph. I felt a small boulder drop in my gut.
My warm ups felt good but as I started to observe the other throwers I realized they were competing in an entirely different sport. They were “real” discus throwers. I don’t mean this in a facetious or sarcastic way – the top guys had absolutely incredible form. I was watching what they were doing, soaring the discus into the stratosphere and realized I had absolutely no concept of how to do that. I felt like I was throwing with all of my might just to see my disc go a quarter as high and half as far.
Stay focused Tyrell, this is about you and no one else.
It All Comes Down to This
Finally, nearly an hour and a half later, it was time to throw. I was ready to get on with it. If nothing else to put my racing mind to rest.
I gave one final look over to my coach Garrett who perfectly reassured me with a simple and calm head nod. I turned my mind on auto-pilot, reverting back to the visualization I had gone over several dozen times.
I was as ready as I could be.
My first throw didn’t feel great, but it felt damn relaxed considering the nerves.
49.50 meters.
I could see a few of the other competitors eyebrows raise… Then I realized my own eyebrows were raised – how the heck did I just do that – a 1 meter PB on my first throw. As I walked back to my coach I laughed in what felt like a coping mechanism to let out an insanely huge amount of stress and nerves.
A couple of the competitors came over, noticeably surprised… “I don’t remember you last year”, “what’s your PB?”, “where are you from – that was a great throw.”
Maybe I wasn’t a complete impostor…?
The second sigh of relief came in the thought that at least if I finish last I will have made a personal step of forward progress.
The next 20 minutes and two throws whirled by and it wasn’t until the end of the 3rd round that I paused to take note of where I sat. I then realized on the fancy electronic screen they showed each thrower’s best throw, and current position on the board when they were up. A thrower whose technique I was drooling over in the warm up pit was about to step in for his 3rd throw.
The board read “best attempt: 46.90. Position 4”.
I did a double take. 46.90, position 4. I threw 49.50, what does that mean?
It dawned on me that I was sitting in 3rd place, with first and second about 1 meter away.
A jolt of adrenaline and excitement coursed through me. I was in medal contention going into the final.
In the Hunt
That adrenaline did not bode well for my next 2 throws where I rushed the release and failed to improve. My coach calmly brought me over, gave me a couple of key cues, and encouraged me to just have fun – we’ve got nothing to lose.
Anchoring in visualization
Over the past couple of days I had been visualizing an interesting tactic as I prepare to walk into the circle for my throw. Simple but profound. I feel myself smiling… And this simple act of smiling seems to neurologically trigger the reminder to not take myself or any of this too seriously.
I made sure as I walked into the front of the circle on that sixth and final throw to allow myself a grin from ear to ear.
“Who cares whose watching or what people think – have fun silly.”
The throw felt far from perfect, but I knew I had at least gotten right a couple of the cues Garrett had just coached me through.
My fellow competitors, who it turns out are an incredibly supportive community, cheered at what looked like a good final attempt.
I walked out, now actually feeling like I may have achieved one of the goals I set out for at the beginning of the season…
“50.11 meters”
A final sigh. And a smile. Several of the competitors congratulated me. I walked directly back to Garrett, who despite knowing I had a lot more in the tank, was smiling as well. I gave him a big hug – proud that I didn’t let him down more than anything else.
A +50 meter throw and Canadian Senior National Championships bronze medal to close out the 2015/2016 season.
The Real Takeaway
That evening I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was too busy extracting and dissecting every little bit of learning from the whole experience.
Why did I beat myself up so much for going early?
Why did I think those guys were so much better than me?
What caused me to still perform and peak despite this swirl of emotions?
I realized that I have an archetypal sequence of events that take place for me to hit my absolute high performance. Irregardless of the medium – facilitating teams in the boardroom, speaking on stage, competing in the ring.
I rigorously prepare.
I push myself ten times harder in preparation than I do in the moment of performance.
I realized at these Championships that it was my hours and hours of preparation leading up to the event that was what allowed me to perform despite the nerves, anxiety and gremlins. I had an auto-pilot to tune in to. I had been building it for the last several days and weeks.
By the time I stepped into the ring for that first competition throw I had already had 3 physical sessions in the ring and several dozen mental sessions.
And it was because of this foundation I had created, that when those gremlins started creeping into my conscious brain feeding me stories of doubt and shame – I was able to shift my attention to the work that had already been done.
Here’s where it gets interesting.
I think we have all have those gremlins that creep up in our head. Those of us pushing the limits are constantly hearing the “impostor alarm” going off in the back of our heads.
Every time I walk into the boardroom with an important meeting to facilitate I wonder who is going to think I’m full of it, or don’t know what I’m doing.
I have the same feeling in my gut every time I get on the stage.
Part of this fear is healthy and we can use it to keep us humble and open to new learning and growth. But much of it can be deflected if we’ve already established the state of our performance through rigorous preparation.
The war of high-performance is won well before we step into the spotlight.
I share this story as a statement of affirmation to myself. I know the next four years will be full of the imposter syndrome – and I will look back at this experience as a guide of how to navigate those waters which create the potential for our greatest outcomes.
So.
Do you have a preparation strategy that empowers you to hit your peak performance in the exact moment you need it. Despite all of the swirling pressures and stresses that you face?
I’d love to hear your story.
image: Moonrider Productions
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Living Life by a Simple Hypothesis
Sometimes I think we overcomplicate things in life. I find that when I live in tune with the hypothesis below, I am happy, fulfilled and feeling as if I’m doing my best work in the world.
I am at my best when striving towards a pursuit that intrinsically motivates me, is aligned with my values in life and challenges me beyond my comfort zone.
I refer to this state as “The Deep End” of life and I aspire to access this environment for as long and frequently as possible. Why? Because the opportunity it provides me for deep, paradigm shifting learning and growth is unrivalled.
I believe that over the long game of life — years and decades — this learning and growth compounds to create exponential value and results.
So far so good? Hopefully you can think of an experience in your own life where you have experienced the rich learnings from a dive way out of your comfort zone in the Deep End.
There’s one problem I have encountered with the Deep End, it is not actually where we capture our greatest learning and growth.
Let me explain further.
How We Learn: The Present and the Future
I believe our most significant learnings don’t actually arise when we are immersed in the present experience — but instead come long after, when we are intentionally reflecting back on our adventure in the Deep End. In my experience, 90% of my most valuable learning and growth comes through the act of pausing to reflect after the experience itself is over.
Had I not spent the time to intentionally sit down and think, reflect, journal, meditate and mentally deconstruct my experience – that learning and growth would remain trapped in my subconscious and eventually lost.
In a world that increasingly is too distracted, addicted to devices, ego driven, and without foundational framework or guide for living – we are losing sight of the art of learning.
Now let’s take a look at what we’ve learnt from the science.
Learning and The Conscious Brain
Our brain’s are incredible.
They are the reason we are here, standing upright, talking with others, and the dominant species on this planet. The brain has adapted and evolved over millions of years to help us thrive in this world.
Kevin Simlar and Robert Hanson, authors of “The Elephant in the Brain” make an argument that it is in fact this very ability to learn “post-experience” that has differentiated us from all other species on this planet. As we developed this capability hundreds of thousands of years ago to store and analyze past experiences we could update our set of actions to better optimize for survival. More on this shortly.
The facilitator of this capability for conscious thought and decision making is called our pre-frontal cortex (PFC). Whenever you are engaged in active thought — focusing on a new task, considering a set of decisions — this is your PFC at work. Unbeknownst to us, our brains have already done a lot of work in the milliseconds leading up to us forming a conscious thought. The main task is the parsing and prioritizing of millions of raw data points being collected by our brain via the brain stem at any given point in time. Before that conscious thought takes place our brain has already culled and stored 90% of the data it received and formatted the remaining 10% for our conscious processing in the PFC.
Here lies the gap.
When immersed in the present moment, we only have access to the information our brain deems most important to navigate the immediate decisions at hand.
This results in the “surface level” learnings and insights seen in the iceberg visual.
So, what happens to the 90% of information we don’t consciously get access to?
Accessing the Iceberg of our Subconscious
One of the most simple heuristics that has helped me understand how to access the iceberg of wisdom and knowledge hidden within our own subconscious mind is this:
As long as we are mentally preoccupied with an activity in the present, we cannot access our the iceberg of subconscious knowledge.
In other words, whether we are pursuing a goal in the Deep End of life, drowning in thoughts of stress and anxiety, or immediately jumping from one task to the next without pause — we are forgoing the opportunity to learn and grow from the depths of our subconscious.
Sidenote: Dr.Matthew Walker, author of “Why We Sleep” suggests that this also has a significant negative impact on our ability to fall asleep quickly and get deep restful sleep. By foregoing opportunities to pause and reflect throughout the day, our brain’s are forced to begin this activity just as we are laying our head down on the pillow.
Reflection & Inquiry
While we are only just beginning to understand the neuroscience of our brain’s processing of subconscious information, we have intuitively known the art of reflection tens of thousands of years how to access this information. The answer is simple and as a result is often overlooked.
Pause. Be still.
Quiet the mind.
Find Flow.
Rest. Recover.
Reflect. Inquire.
Slowing down, stillness, a quiet mind
A prerequisite to accessing the wisdom of our subconscious is the quieting of our conscious Pre Frontal Cortex powerhouse. This is one of the incredible benefits to breath-work, mindfulness meditation, and frankly any other activity that causes us to detach from our conscious thought — eg, going for a walk where you are simply focused on the awe of Mother Nature that surrounds you.
Non-Performance Flow States
Finding ‘Flow States’, or more specifically the act of being fully immersed and focused on a task that is intrinsically motivating, engaging, challenging and rewarding is another way to stimulate our subconscious processing. Inherently, Flow States are partially subconscious by nature (to access a Flow State you must have practiced the activity enough for our brain to have laid some “unconsciously competent” neural wiring) and don’t need to be performing a sport at an Olympic level. For example the walk described above (walking and general navigation being two of the activities with “unconsciously competent” wiring — can provide the right person with a Flow state). When it comes to using Flow States as a vehicle for subconscious processing I think it’s important to make the distinction between Performance Flow (intentionally using Flow to access a Peak Performance state) and Non-Performance Flow (fully immersed and engaged in an activity without the intention or requirement of Peak Performance).
Sleep
It turns out that REM sleep, occurring in the latter half of a full 7+ hour of sleep night (not to be confused with 7 hours in bed), is where our brains begin making ‘new’ connections between different streams of raw data that have been captured in the previous day. Compromise on sleep and you automatically lose this super hero power.
Reflection & Inquiry
Iceberg metaphor as it relates to conscious and unconscious learnings
There’s something about the iceberg metaphor that is staying on my mind. The most recent thought is the idea that every experience, adventure and journey we go on in life has the potential to represent significant learning and growth. Whether the outcome is good bad or ugly it actually doesn’t matter. As we walk through the experience we have access to the top half of the iceberg, the 10% of conscious learning that comes from the immediacy and present experience of whatever we’re going through. The problem, however is that it takes longer for our subconscious, which is capturing 90 to 95% of the information that we don’t consciously process to make sense of what we’re going through. This bottom half of the iceberg, the 90%, can only be accessed through intentional reflection, inquiry, And self reflection over time. When we choose to raise from one thing to the other, or to avoid the challenging self reflection that may come with failure, negative stories or deep scary vulnerabilities we lose and forfeit the opportunity to capture the 90% of growth and learning that we could otherwise apply to the long-term trajectory of our lives.
Where to from here?
If you want some help establishing your foundation, upon which you are able to jump into the Deep End, I would recommend taking some time completing this free Human Performance Assessment I have developed as part of the Human Performance Project.
Once your direction is set and you are up the High Dive or off into the Deep End, it’s important to build in intentional reflection time at different periods.
I founded The Human Performance Project to equip humans, teams, and groups with the roadmap and tools required to pursue audacious goals, dreams and aspirations in the Deep End of life.
You can learn more about this work here.
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