Some topics in this post
- Hitting The Wall and giving up when it’s too hard to continue.
- The importance of a Tribe, your support group.
- Why chase after big audacious goals and ambitions.
The Slow Breaking of My Will
“A dark premeditated celebration” -December 1, 2018
Upon reflection, this is the act my subconscious was committing as I walked out of the liquor store, scotch in hand.
An hour later I was sitting in my bathtub, glass full, tears streaming down my face. A mix of euphoria, shame, guilt and confusion swirled in my head.
I had conceited defeat.
In that moment it was crystal clear to me that the pursuit of chasing the 2020 Olympics to throw Discus (Track and Field) was too challenging, too far fetched – it was all over.
How did I get here?
In short, the 1,500-day journey to date had worn me down. I had begun to crack in the relentless battle to drown out the gremlins of fear and doubt whispering in my head. And finally, the straw breaking my back was a briefing earlier that day at Athletics Canada where the perfect “Canadian Olympic Athlete” was described. In that moment, acknowledging how glaringly different my journey has been and will continue to be, I gave into the voices of despair, I felt my spirit and resolve crumbling in the room.
Begging to Let me Quit
On the drive home from the briefing I hatched my escape plan. I had the perfect story to convince my inner Tribe – the group of people most closely supporting me in this journey – my wife, my coach, my parents – that letting me give up was the right thing to do.
And so as I sat in the bathtub with my celebratory glass of Scotch doing my best to convince Tash to let me quit. I put on the best show I could, displaying anger, sadness, and eventually peace, with the decision I told her I had already made. I then drafted a 2,000-word email to my coach explaining as much. I clicked send.
The Power of Our Tribe
What happened next is exactly Why a Tribe is needed in any epic pursuit we embark on to accomplish something extraordinary. These people can be our family, friends, mentors or colleagues – the criteria is that they understand why you must embark on this journey and they are there to support you in every step of that journey – even when you may have given up hope in yourself.
One by one, every member of my inner Tribe told me I wasn’t allowed to give up.
Not a chance. In fact, they told me now would be the most illogical time to stop. I would regret the timing of this decision for the rest of my life. You see, they told me, you have made it this far while juggling a 25 hour training week alongside a +50 hour full-time leadership career. You haven’t even given this goal a fully committed attempt.
No, now isn’t the time to quit. Now is the time to go all in.
I could feel my cheeks flush and my throat swell as the reality of this feedback sank in. Initially in shock, my premeditated celebration was gone and the sobering future of struggle, despair and the relentless pursuit was back upon me.
I was thrust back into the darkness.
But through the fog of feelings and emotions, the upside started to sink in. Something was going to change, I was going All In. It would be one of the scariest and most challenging decisions to navigate in my life – but this is exactly the decision my goal deserved.
It exhilarated me.
And so the new plan was hatched.
The All-In Plan – effective January 1, 2019
At this point, the reality of this new plan was staring me in the face.
If I was serious, I would have to leave my full-time career and dedicate the next 18 months to being the very best Discus athlete I can be. I would have to break the news with my team at Digital Hot Sauce that counted and relied on me that I would be drastically reducing my involvement and availability. I would have to reach out and rely upon those around me to support our family financially, and finally, with blind faith I would have to fully commit to being All In.
The risk felt almost unbearable.
And yet, this is exactly what pursuing our loftiest ambitions takes. As we seek clarity in our life and identify the adventures we want to strive towards, risk will not be a potential factor, it will be woven into the fabric of the road you travel. It will not be a precaution to prepare for, it will be a necessity to embrace.
And so as of January 1st I have stepped away from full-time work.
I am relying on a critical Tribe of individuals and organizations to support our family in this next chapter.
My coach and I have increased our training volume to 6 sessions a day, 4-5 days a week, with 5 international trips in the next 5 months.
Every aspect of my life is becoming optimized to foster world-class performance over the next 17 months. From each every calorie and nutrient with Married to My Macros through to daily therapy and recovery from MVMTlab, the Stretch Space and Thomas Tran, to working with one of the top Sports Psychologists in the world to build up my mental game.
I am blessed with an incredible Tribe of financial supporters who are making this chapter possible for my family including Guardian Angel Consultants, Fitness Town, DSL, Janzen Insurance, GLC Solutions, Advance Flooring, Recreation Excellence, M&L Painting, Lloyds Travel.
I am in need of financial support immediately in this next 5-month chapter. Please shoot me an email (tyrellmara@gmail.com), or a message of Instagram/Facebook to learn how you can support.
My life has become a solitary pilgrimage towards the 2020 Games. And my 2019 goals reflect this new reality:
- Throw 60 meters by June 2019
- Throw 62 meters by September 2019
- Throw 64 meters by January 2020
Zooming Out and the Gift of Perspective
Why do I choose to do this?
From day one, I told myself this journey is not about the destination itself, but what I will learn along the way. I take a breathe now and acknowledge just how powerful that statement is as I reflect over the last 3 years.
I have learned more about life, about how we function as human beings, and about the internal and external equations required to go out and chase our ambitions (The Deep End Framework, The Human Performance Project, the Pursuit of Fulfillment).
And I continue climbing the mountain for this reason. Not because of the potential to accomplish something remarkable, but because when we embark on journey’s that stretch well beyond what we ever thought possible, in any direction, we grow, learn and expand as human beings.
This is my sweet spot. My uncomfortable, scary, unknown, and risky sweet spot. This is where we invite magic to exist in our lives. And not just magic in the sense of what is possible, but about what we uncover within.
Questions to Consider
- What was the first “audacious” journey you went on in your life?
- What did you learn from that experience?
- Is there anything from that experience that still shapes your life today?
- What is the next mountain on your horizon? Have you written it down or told anyone?
- What is stopping you from jumping in to chase your next adventure or goal?
The Next Step
- Want to learn more about being a part of our financial Tribe?
- Want to explore me sharing my story with your community, team or group?
- Have a question about my journey or need support in your own pursuits?
I’m only an email or message away!
January 22, 2019
