powerful conversations and our fear of the unknown.

I have come to the realization that as a society we generally like to talk about ourselves. We are energized by sharing our stories, what we believe in, and what we are truly passionate about

While we so desperately want to share from this place, we do not do it freely. It takes the right environment; a safe one where trust and connection have been established. And an invitation; a warm heartfelt one that lets us know that our story is valued.

This is a sacred space. The ingredients of which are genuine curiosity, authentic warm energy, and a deep passion for human life.

This is where magic happens.

When we experience these rare moments where a safe environment is established and the space is held for deep conversation – we create the opportunity to access profound learning, both through our own sharing and in openly hearing from others.

A true reverse pedagogy where every teacher is also the student.

I have time and time been amazed at the learnings, epiphanies, and lightbulb moments that show up as I go deeper in my conversations with others. For me this is a powerful source of intrinsic motivation, I get energized and feel alive when I observe others sharing in the experience.

So why don’t we “go there” more often?

Fear?

Confidence?

Lack in deep sense of self?

Ego?

The unknown?

I think there are many factors why at times we avoid having deep and powerful conversations – and these likely shift and mold as we move throughout circumstances in our lives. But I know there is one constant through this all,

they are there to be had.

Here are a few ways that I try to ‘show up’ and ‘hold the space’ for meaningful conversations in my life.

follow curiosity, acknowledge energy.

Being a person who is overly curious about people, I tend to never be short of questions to ask in a conversation. This is always a great place to start, but very quickly we have the opportunity to gauge what is really meaningful to the one sharing. Body language, expression, voice, stories, emotions, all give us glimpses into where the exciting and juicy conversations are. What is really showing up for the one sharing – and in turn this is what needs to be acknowledged and explored.

listen. listen deeply.

This is one of the hardest things to do effectively.

If you think you are a good listener, but lack deep and meaningful conversations in your life – this may be a great place to re-evaluate.

I think we need to stop telling ourselves that we are good listeners if we show others we are good listeners… The notion that being fully engaged in a conversation means we fake good listening practices visually but have our mind running elsewhere – is false.

We’re all guilty of it, and we’ve all seen it. The glazed over look as your talking, and the periodic head nods and uh-huh’s.

This drives me crazy.

This is not listening deeply – I would argue it is not listening at all and is actually disrespectful to whomever you are sharing the space with. I get that sometimes this is unavoidable – here’s a good solution: be authentic and transparent about where your mind is and that you need support in staying fully engaged. Even this is taking the conversation to a deeper level.

Clear your mind, focus on what sparks your interest in the conversation, and following that energy.

Allow the space for magic to happen.

ask tough questions.

I find this to be the most challenging, and in turn the most rewarding.

As you move into that exciting place where everyone in the conversation is engaged and ready to move deeper – don’t be afraid of asking tough questions that surface deep within your intuition and align with the conversation.

We all have those moments where our gut pinches us, that little voice goes off in our head, and we know there is an opportunity to probe deeper and ask a question that would take the conversation into the unknown.

But this is thin ice for us and our relationship with that frightening, dark, mysterious space of ‘the unknown’. The fears we associate with this space have a tendency to take centre stage in our minds, and in our lives, especially when we don’t yank them off stage as fast as they got there.

But yet we yearn for what is on the other side of that question. We long to be guided into the unknown to find out what is there waiting for us.

From my experience, here is what I have found in that mysterious place:

epiphanies

adventures

laughter, tears and anger

deep connection

life long friendships

love and heartaches

fairy tales

soul searching

spirit finding

magic.

Give yourself and others the permission to move into that sacred space, to fully show up and engage in powerful conversations that will transform you and the world you live in.

To willingly and excitedly embrace the unknown, together.